The Unforgettable What's His Name Read online

  I looked around for somewhere to hide. Somewhere. Anywhere. They were coming, they were coming, they were coming.

  Nearby, a man and a woman were unloading some big plants out of a truck.

  Sandy was yapping and wagging his tail.

  ‘Shoo,’ I whispered. He gave a friendly yelp. One of the bikies heard him. It was Metal Mouth.

  ‘There he goes,’ he yelled.

  I heard the sound of heavy boots running right behind me.

  The nursery people were getting ready to take the plants into the monkey cage. They had unloaded some trees that were big enough for the monkeys to climb and hide in. I jumped into the middle of them and stood still. Sandy followed me.

  ‘Shoo,’ I said again. This time Sandy slunk off with his tail between his legs. Poor old Sandy. If he had ears he probably would have flattened them. I felt sorry for him but I couldn’t let the bikies catch me.

  Once again I heard Shark’s voice.

  ‘He’s around here somewhere.’

  I could hear the bikies searching, searching, searching. They were getting closer. I tried not to think about their broken bikes. And how angry they were.

  Next to the plants was a forklift truck. In front of it was a very large tree in a pot. Big enough to climb. I scrambled up onto the pot but before I could climb into the tree I heard a shout.

  I pressed myself against the trunk of the tree. I started to pant. I went cold. Then hot. It was like I was drowning. I couldn’t get enough air.

  I looked down. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. What had happened?

  My legs had changed. They looked like roots going into the pot plant. My feet seemed to be buried in the dirt.

  My arms were like vines twisting around the trunk. I couldn’t see my face but my mouth felt like a little pouting knothole. I had blended into the tree. I was a boy with skin that looked like bark.

  The nursery man put down the small pot plant he was carrying and stared at me. Then he shouted out.

  ‘Violet, come and look at this.’

  His wife walked over and they both peered at me.

  ‘This tree looks like it’s got a face,’ he said to Violet.

  ‘Amazing,’ she said. ‘It does too. If you squint you can see a sort of frightened face. I’ve never seen anything like it before.’

  ‘It’s suffering,’ the man said. ‘It needs water.’

  He bent down and picked up a hose.

  ‘We don’t want it to die,’ he said. He pointed the hose at me and gave me a good soaking. I copped it everywhere. Even in my face.

  ‘I’ll get some manure for it,’ said his wife. ‘The poor tree is in shock. It needs some liquid fertiliser.’

  ‘It could be worth big money,’ said the nursery man. ‘We could take cuttings, and plant more back home. Everyone will want a tree with a face.’

  They both started to laugh. But I didn’t think it was funny.

  Cuttings. What if they took a bit of me? What if they thought my finger was a twig and cut it off?

  I had another thought. Liquid fertiliser. I didn’t like the sound of that either.

  Violet went over to the van and came back with a watering can. I could smell it before she even got near me.

  She started to pour a foul brown liquid all over my feet. She was fertilising me.

  ‘It’s elephant poo,’ she said. ‘Mixed with a bit of monkey. Nice and fresh.’

  ‘Pour some on the leaves,’ said the nursery man. ‘It can drip down slowly.’

  Violet poured the stinking stuff higher up the tree. It dribbled down all over me. I felt as if I was going to vomit.

  The nursery man took out some clippers and reached up high. He started to chop away at the leaves. It hurt my head. Like when the barber tugs your hair.

  ‘That’s enough,’ said Violet. ‘Don’t prune it too hard.’

  The nursery man held a bunch of twigs and leaves. He put them in the back of the truck. I could hear him talking.

  ‘We’ll make a mint if we can grow another one,’ he said.

  Just then I heard another voice.

  ‘I know he’s around here somewhere.’

  It was The Chief. He had a deep booming voice. He looked up at me but didn’t say anything.

  ‘I’ll check these plants,’ said Metal Mouth. His teeth clicked as he talked. It sounded like a knife hitting a fork. He started to push over the pot plants. Some of them rolled over and dirt spilled out of their pots.

  ‘Hey,’ yelled the nursery man. ‘Stop that.’

  The bikies gathered around him.

  ‘Stop what?’ said The Chief in a tough voice.

  The nursery man looked at their faces and fell silent.

  ‘Sorry, mate,’ said Maggot. I noticed that he had a broken-heart tattoo on his shoulder. On one side it had the word Maggot and on the other half it said Firebird. Underneath it had an eye with tears dripping out of it.

  The bikies kept on pushing through the spiky plants. Maggot followed the others, picking up the knocked-over pots and standing them the right way up.

  ‘He’s here somewhere,’ said Metal Mouth.

  ‘Hey, this tree is weird,’ growled Shark.

  The gang came over and took a look at me.

  ‘It’s sort of got a face,’ said Maggot.

  They all stared. So did the nursery man. Metal Mouth scoffed. His silver tooth twinkled in the sunlight.

  ‘Don’t be stupid,’ he said. ‘Plants don’t have faces.’

  Maggot peered at me. He gave a friendly smile. ‘I like it,’ he said.

  ‘How much?’ Shark said to the nursery man.

  ‘Not for sale,’ he said. ‘It belongs to the zoo.’

  Shark was not happy.

  ‘My old granny would like that tree,’ he said. ‘She’s getting on a bit. She would love a tree that has a face on it. It might cheer her up.’

  ‘Not for sale,’ the nursery man said again.

  Shark frowned.

  ‘I want that plant,’ he said.

  ‘No time for that now,’ said The Chief. ‘Spread out. Search the whole zoo, we need to find him.’

  They all started to move off. Shark was still grumbling under his breath. ‘Poor old lady. That tree would make her laugh.’

  My heart stopped its pounding. I started to feel safe again. I was out of danger. For now at least.

  But that didn’t last long. Violet walked over to the gate of the monkey pen and pressed some buttons. The gate swung open. Her husband lifted a pot onto a trolley and wheeled it through the gate. Violet quickly slammed it shut after him.

  ‘You have to be quick,’ she said. ‘So the monkeys don’t get out.’

  They were moving all the plants into the monkey cage. One by one they wheeled them in. Soon the only plant left outside was the huge tree with the face. My face.

  ‘It seems a pity to let the zoo have it,’ said Violet.

  ‘We have to,’ said her husband. ‘The zoo has paid for all these plants.’

  He started up the engine of the forklift truck and lifted me and the pot and the tree into the air.

  Then he drove forward and into the monkey cage. He pulled a lever and dumped the pot on the ground. He looked at me one more time, shook his head and drove out. Violet slammed the gate closed.

  The nursery man drove the forklift up a ramp and onto the back of his truck. Then they both drove off. I was alone.

  Trapped inside with the monkeys.

  The monkeys walked around the new pot plants that were spread through their pen. At first they didn’t seem to like them. The monkeys pulled their lips back over yellow teeth and started to spit and howl and jump around.

  One monkey was bigger than all the others. He did an angry dance and waved his long arms at me. A horrible screeching noise burst out of his mouth. His teeth were sharp and cruel.

  I could see that he was the boss monkey.

  He climbed up onto my pot, lifted a leg and let fly with a squirt of pee. It splashed all over my bark.
I couldn’t believe it. He had taken a leak on me. Just like a dog. It reminded me of Sandy. I was all wet and miserable.

  The other monkeys came to life. They chattered and squeaked. They seemed to be laughing.

  I realised with a shock that everything was okay. The boss monkey had peed on me. It was a sign. He liked the new plants. So he must have liked me. That made me feel a bit better. Even though the pee was stinky.

  The other monkeys scampered over and climbed into the branches above my head. My tree was their favourite plant.

  After a bit I heard footsteps at the gate. Two keepers appeared.

  I heard a voice. ‘What’s the passcode again?’

  ‘One, two, three, four.’

  The first keeper laughed. ‘Too easy.’

  ‘Monkeys can’t count,’ said the other voice.

  I heard four beeps and then saw the gate swing open. The keepers entered and tipped up a bin full of bananas.

  The monkeys swarmed over the pile. They started to grab the bananas with greedy fingers and gobble them up. There was much squealing and shrieking and fighting.

  The keepers quickly moved out through the gate while the monkeys fought over the food.

  There was one very small monkey who wasn’t getting any bananas. He squatted down watching his brothers and sisters with sad eyes. He was on the edge of things. Left out of it. He reminded me of myself at school.

  Suddenly the big monkey opened his mouth and shrieked. He walked slowly to the pile of bananas and started to eat while the others watched. He was the boss all right. The Big Pee.

  He gobbled banana after banana while the others stood there licking their lips. Finally he couldn’t fit any more in. He gave a loud belch and patted his swollen stomach.

  This was the sign for the others to go back to eating. And fighting. The little monkey still watched hungrily. He didn’t even get one banana.

  Finally every banana was eaten. The tribe started to fall asleep. One by one they dozed off for an after-lunch nap. The Big Pee was the last to close his eyes.

  I stood there on the pot and pressed myself back onto the tree. I was still covered in bark, with arms and legs that looked like vines and roots.

  The Big Pee had put his mark on me. I smelled of monkey. The others in the tribe had accepted me. And now they were all asleep. I was still in trouble. Cold, hungry and looking like part of a tree. But I felt a little better because at least the monkeys were not going to hurt me.

  At that very moment my covering of bark started to swirl and move and fade away. In no time I was myself again. I stepped off the pot. The tree looked just like it had before. No sign of a face.

  I took a step towards the locked gate.

  And sensed that eyes were watching me.

  It was the little monkey. He looked at me with hopeful eyes. What did he want? Friendship? Freedom? Food? Maybe all three.

  ‘What’s your name?’ I whispered. He didn’t answer of course.

  ‘You’ve got to have a name. I’ll call you Banana Boy,’ I said. ‘One day you will have all the bananas you want.’

  I didn’t know why I said that. It just came out.

  I felt around in my pocket. A Burp Bomb. My favourite lolly.

  I peeled off the wrapper and gave it to the little monkey. He took it with a shaking hand and put it in his mouth. He chewed it hungrily. I could see that he loved it. He gave one big swallow and patted his stomach.

  Then he gave a little burp. Just like the kids at school.

  I laughed. In the middle of all my troubles I could still laugh. It was a lovely moment. We were mates. Me and the monkey.

  Sandy was my mate too. But where was he?

  I had to find him. He had no collar and that made him a stray. Anything could happen to a stray.

  I crept over to the gate. There was no one around. No sign of the bikies. In the distance I could hear a crowd cheering. I knew what it was. Feeding time for the seals. Everyone loved it when the keepers threw fish into the water and the seals dived for them.

  I pressed the buttons: 1, 2, 3, 4.

  The gate swung open and I jumped out. I was free.

  Banana Boy gave a little squeak. And then …

  No, no. He jumped out after me. Oh, what?

  Big Pee opened one eye. And then the other. He saw what was going on. He followed. And so did all the rest of the monkeys. I didn’t have time to close the gate. In a flash every one of them ran screaming and screeching out of the pen.

  I ran for it. The monkeys came after me.

  I was leading the pack. Banana Boy followed me and The Big Pee followed him. All the monkeys ran behind us.

  It was a weird, wonderful feeling. I was the leader of the bunch. Banana Boy jumped up onto my shoulder. In the middle of all this panic I felt what it was like to be liked. My first friend was a dog. And my second one was a monkey.

  Both in the same day. The world is a strange place.

  The Big Pee screeched and snarled. He didn’t like it. And he didn’t like me anymore. I was a rival. He pushed Banana Boy from my shoulder with one sweep of his hand. Then he grabbed my foot and I fell.

  The tribe swept along the path, leaving me sprawled on the ground. They swarmed up and over the fence of the zoo like a stream of giant ants. Only Banana Boy stayed perched on the top, looking down at me.

  ‘Go,’ I gasped. ‘While you can.’

  Banana Boy gave one timid blink and then he was gone.

  I quickly jumped to my feet and ran out of the zoo before I got the blame for letting the monkeys out.

  The monkeys were nowhere to be seen. I guessed they would be heading for the countryside. They would be safe in the bush. And free. That made me feel good.

  But I was so tired. I could feel the call of my own bed even though it was only early afternoon. I wanted to fall asleep with big Bad Bear next to me. He was only a toy. But boy, was he big.

  I hurried back into town listening carefully for the sound of motorbikes. I jumped every time I heard an engine. This whole thing was so weird. It couldn’t be happening. I kept hoping that I would wake up.

  But I didn’t. The people passing by were real. They sniffed and screwed up their noses. I stank of fertiliser. I smelled of monkeys and elephants. People stared at me. What were they looking at?

  I peered at a shop window and saw my reflection. My hair was all sticking to my head like a wet mop. I had the smelliest haircut in the world.

  This was terrible. I tried to keep myself calm.

  I started to think about what was happening to me. I was Chameleon Boy. My clothes and skin changed whenever I got scared.

  No one would ever believe what had happened in the zoo. I could hardly believe it myself. It was good when I had Banana Boy as a friend. And Sandy. But now they were both gone. And I was all alone. A sad feeling settled on me like a cold fog.

  Then I heard a sound.

  ‘Ruff, ruff, ruff.’

  ‘Sandy,’ I yelled.

  The fog melted away.

  I was so pleased to see Sandy that I hardly noticed a van had pulled up on the other side of the road. It had a wire cage in the back.

  Sandy was happy too.

  But not for long.

  The van had the words CITY POUND written on the side. A man and a woman stepped out. They each wore ranger badges.

  Sandy ran over to greet them. He jumped up and licked at one of them.

  ‘Oh, no, Sandy, don’t,’ I yelled.

  I was too late. In a flash they had a rope around his neck. The two rangers lifted him into the cage in the back of the van and slammed the gate closed. They were taking him off to the pound.

  ‘Give him back,’ I begged. ‘He’s my dog.’

  The woman smiled at me. ‘Where’s his collar?’ she said in a gentle voice. ‘Where’s his tag?’

  I didn’t know what to say.

  ‘How long have you had him?’ she said.

  ‘All day,’ I said.

  She smiled again. ‘He’s
not yours,’ she said.

  ‘What will happen to him?’ I yelled.

  ‘Someone might want him,’ she said. ‘He’s not much to look at but you never know …’

  ‘What if no one wants him?’

  This time she didn’t know what to say.

  ‘I’m going to adopt him,’ I said.

  She gave me a little pat on the head. ‘You’re too young,’ she said. ‘But come back with your dad and he’s yours.’

  ‘I haven’t got a dad,’ I said.

  My dad hadn’t been around since I was three years old and I didn’t know where he was. I used to wonder what his job was. Probably a pilot. Or a film star. Mum didn’t like talking about him.

  ‘Your mum then?’ said the ranger.

  ‘She won’t have him,’ I said. ‘We can’t afford a dog.’

  The rangers looked at me sadly. Then they got into their van.

  Sandy began to whimper. He peered out from the other side of the cage with big, scared eyes. He didn’t like it in there. He gave little squeals as the van moved off.

  I started to run after the van. ‘Sandy, Sandy,’ I called.

  The van went faster and faster.

  ‘I will come and get you,’ I yelled. ‘I love you.’

  I tried to keep up but it was no good. The van turned the corner and was gone.

  I stopped running and tried to catch my breath. I had to do something. I had to talk Mum into adopting Sandy. But I knew she wouldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. What if no one wanted Sandy? What then?

  I kept walking and worrying. Every now and then I checked my reflection in a shop window. To make sure that I still looked like me.

  After a bit I found myself standing outside the Saturday market. There were stalls that sold just about anything you could think of. Rocking horses, clocks, chickens, toys and many other things.

  There were a lot of people around. Parents, babies in prams. And even kids from my school. I made sure that none of them saw me. I didn’t want to be noticed. Suddenly I saw horrible Gertag walking straight towards me.