Uncovered! Read online

  Puffin Books

  I’m UNCOVERED…

  I try to hide my nakedness with my hand.

  But it doesn’t work.

  Everyone can see.

  Also on show …

  Bad rabbit habits.

  Rapt – in toilet paper.

  Birds with teeth.

  A live face on the wall.

  FROM THE ONE AND ONLY PAUL JENNINGS

  also by paul jennings

  Unreal!

  Unbelievable!

  Quirky Tails

  Unbearable!

  Unmentionable!

  Undone!

  Uncanny!

  Uncovered!

  Unseen!

  Tongue-Tied!

  The Cabbage Patch series

  (illustrated by Craig Smith)

  The Gizmo series

  (illustrated by Keith McEwan)

  The Singenpoo series

  (illustrated by Keith McEwan)

  Wicked! (series) and Deadly! (series)

  (with Morris Gleitzman)

  Duck for Cover

  Freeze a Crowd

  Spooner or Later

  Spit It Out

  (with Terry Denton and Ted Greenwood)

  Round the Twist

  Sucked In …

  (illustrated by Terry Denton)

  How Hedley Hopkins Did a Dare …

  Paul Jennings’ Funniest Stories

  Paul Jennings’ Weirdest Stories

  Paul Jennings’ Spookiest Stories

  FOR ADULTS

  The Reading Bug … and how you can help your child to catch it

  FOR BEGINNERS

  The Rascal series

  More information about Paul and his books can be found at www.pauljennings.com.au and puffin.com.au

  PUFFIN BOOKS

  PUFFIN BOOKS

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (Australia)

  250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia

  (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd)

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

  Penguin Group (Canada)

  90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto ON M4P 2Y3, Canada

  (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

  Penguin Books Ltd

  80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  Penguin Ireland

  25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland

  (a division of Penguin Books Ltd)

  Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd

  11, Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi-110 017, India

  Penguin Group (NZ)

  67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632 New Zealand

  (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd)

  Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd

  24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

  Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  First published by Penguin Books Australia, 1995

  This edition published 2002

  Text Copyright © Lockley Lodge Pty Ltd, 1995

  Cover design and illustration © Bob Lea, 2002

  The moral right of the author and illustrator has been asserted

  All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

  puffin.com.au

  ISBN: 978-1-74-228685-3

  To George Dale, with thanks for the many great book designs

  Contents

  For Ever

  Too Many Rabbits

  A Mouthful

  Listen Ear

  Picked Bones

  Just Like Me

  Ringing Wet

  Backward Step

  Pubic Hare

  For Ever

  Every kid in the class was laughing at Richard.

  Well, everyone except Tim. He felt more like crying. After all, Richard was his brother.

  Even Ms Fish, the teacher, had to bite her tongue to stop herself chuckling. She stared out of the window, watching Richard leap around in the playground. ‘Tim,’ she said.

  Tim sighed. Then he picked up his crutches and swung his way to the door. Another gale of laughter rocked the room as he left. Richard was at it again. Toilet paper. Why was Richard so mad about toilet paper? Why couldn’t it be newspaper? Or paper bags? Why did it always have to be toilet paper?

  Today it was worse than usual.

  In the past Richard had wrapped up letter-boxes and sticks and garden spades. But today took the cake. Richard had wrapped himself. He looked like a mummy risen from the dead. Bound head to foot in toilet paper. Loose bits flapped in the breeze as he danced around the playground.

  Tim hobbled across the yard. ‘Come on,’ he said gently to his brother. ‘Come back inside.’

  ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh,’ barked Richard.

  ‘Aargh’ was his only word. If you could call it a word. Richard had never spoken a sensible sentence in his life.

  As Tim approached, Richard pranced around like a dog when someone tries to take a ball from its mouth. He darted in and out – wanting and not wanting to be caught at the same time.

  ‘Oh no,’ Tim said as he saw Richard glance at a nearby gum tree.

  Tim tried to shepherd his brother away. But the crutches and his tired arms slowed him down. In a flash Richard was scrambling up the tree trunk.

  Tim suddenly felt very tired. The crutches chafed his armpits. And his head throbbed. The pain that always gnawed at his chest was worse than ever. He lowered himself to the grass. ‘Please come down, Richard,’ he said. ‘I can’t climb trees.’

  ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh,’ barked Richard.

  Tim looked towards the school. The teachers had agreed to give Richard a trial. Two months to see if they could handle him. If not, he would have to find another school. Tim shook his head. Nobody could handle Richard. Except Tim. He had to think of something. Otherwise there would be a fuss. And Richard wouldn’t be allowed to stay. ‘Come on, Richard,’ he yelled. ‘Please come down.’

  The bell rang and kids started streaming out into the yard. Soon there was a big circle standing around the tree. Laughing, pointing, joking. Richard waved a white toilet roll in one bandaged hand.

  ‘Please don’t,’ Tim said to himself.

  Richard started to unroll his treasure. Soon a long ribbon was fluttering out from his arm. Longer and longer like a never-ending flag. Flapping and waving in the sunshine. Finally it broke. The wind caught the fragile paper and lifted it above the head of the crowd. Kids jumped and reached, yelling and laughing. The toilet paper twisted and snaked towards the school. Finally it drifted down and the mob grabbed it wildly, pulling the sheets apart and throwing them into the wind.

  Richard swung around in the tree like a ghostly monkey. He began pulling his paper bandage away and throwing it down on the laughing mob of kids.

  Tim’s heart dropped as he saw teachers coming with a ladder. He had to get Richard down before they frightened him. Otherwise he might fall on someone. Or hurt himself. If that happened Richard might be sent home. For good.

  Tim closed his eyes and tried to shut out the angry blood-red clouds that swirled inside his head.

  ‘Think of snow,’ he said to himself.

  A wonderful picture filled his mind. Soft, silent flakes of snow fell gently to the ground. Imaginary houses carried banks of whiteness. Every branch bowed beneath a cold burden. A snowman stood watching wit
hout a word. Peace. Nothing disturbed this wintry peace.

  Now Tim knew what to do. The snow had never let him down.

  2

  Tim opened his eyes. Teachers were hustling across the yard with a ladder. Kids were jumping and shouting, enjoying the show. He had to hurry. He limped towards the tree on his crutches and then started fishing around in his pocket. ‘Hurry, hurry, hurry,’ he said to himself. And then, ‘Got ’em.’

  He pulled out two squashed sachets of honey that his Dad had brought back from a motel. The type that have just enough for one slice of toast. Tim quickly pushed them both into a hole in the side of the tree. ‘Hey, what’s this in here?’ he called in a loud voice. He pretended to be very interested in the hole. Out of the side of one eye he could see Richard peering down. ‘Oh, look,’ he shouted to himself. ‘Honey.’ He pulled out one sachet and made a great show of peeling back the lid and slurping the contents. He sucked and chewed noisily.

  Richard watched from above.

  ‘I wonder if there’s any more,’ Tim yelled into the hole.

  In a flash Richard dropped lightly to the ground and thrust his hand into the tree. He pulled out the sachet and shoved it into his mouth without opening it. He munched happily, not knowing or caring that the whole school was watching. Finally he spat out the plastic container.

  ‘Well done, Tim,’ said Ms Fish.

  The two boys headed for the classroom. Tim paused as a pain growled inside his chest. He winced and then kept going. He wondered how long the teachers would go on letting Richard disturb the class. He didn’t seem to be learning anything at all. And he was annoying everyone else.

  That night Richard sat in the corner of the lounge and fiddled with a toilet roll. He turned it over and over and over. He seemed hardly aware that Tim and his mother and father were in the room.

  Dad tossed Richard two sachets of honey. ‘Here,’ he said. ‘Give one to Tim.’

  Richard turned them over in his hand. He looked at Tim for just a second and then shoved both into his mouth.

  ‘Aren’t you going to share?’ said Mum.

  ‘A bit late for that,’ Tim grinned. He gave Richard a friendly punch. ‘One day,’ Tim told him. ‘One day me and you are going to the snow.’ He closed his eyes and described what he saw. Richard fiddled with the toilet paper, not taking his gaze from it for a second.

  ‘That snow,’ said Tim, ‘is as fresh as an apple still on the tree. It is as cool as the breeze across a deep, deep lake. Oh, I see that snow like it is here now. Me and you are there, Richard. We are sliding down the slope on skis. And there is a snowman. And you know what? You know what that snowman is doing, Richard? You know what that snowman is doing? Is he just standing there? Is he just silent under the blue sky?

  ‘No. That snowman is dancing, Richard.

  ‘Oh, you should see him. He is leaping around and skipping and throwing up his arms. He is picking up snow and throwing it into the air. Oh, that snowman. He is full of joy. He doesn’t care that the sun will melt him away. He doesn’t worry about what is coming. He is king of the snow. There is no tomorrow for him. Oh, look at him dance, look at him dance.’

  Tim smiled beneath his closed eyes.

  ‘We will see him, Richard. We will. You and me. One day we will see snow. One day we will go to the mountains. One day we will see the snowman dance.’

  Tim opened his eyes and the snow-covered scene vanished. ‘I’m going to lie down,’ he said. ‘I don’t feel too good.’ He picked up his crutches and swung out of the room.

  Richard turned over the toilet roll. Over and over. ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh,’ he said.

  The boys’ mum and dad looked at each other with tear-filled eyes.

  ‘Tim will never see snow,’ said Mum. ‘Not in Australia in December.’

  ‘He might make it,’ said the father. ‘It sometimes snows in the mountains in June.’

  ‘June will be too late,’ said Mum.

  ‘I should have taken him last year,’ said Dad.

  ‘Don’t blame yourself,’ said Mum. ‘The doctor wouldn’t allow it, remember.’

  ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh,’ barked Richard. The noise was louder and more violent than usual. He hugged the toilet roll to his chest and rocked like a baby.

  Mum glanced over at Richard. ‘Do you think he knows?’ she said.

  Dad scowled as a truck changed gear on the road outside. It sounded its horn loudly. ‘He doesn’t know about anything. Except toilet rolls. Here we go again.’

  Richard’s face lit up. He raced out the door. ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh.’ At the front gate he jumped up and down waving his arms crazily. The truck had a large toilet roll painted on the side. Underneath was written ‘SOFT AS DAWN’. The driver leaned over and wound down the passenger side window. Then he threw something into the air.

  It turned over and over and then bounced crazily into the front yard.

  Richard scampered after his prize. One tightly wrapped roll of toilet paper. He grabbed it eagerly and clutched it to his chest. ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh,’ he yelled happily.

  Another truck rounded the corner and the driver also threw out a toilet roll. He tooted and laughed as Richard gathered up the bouncing paper. A third and a fourth truck did the same. Each driver enjoyed this daily ritual. Passers-by stopped and stared at the strange sight.

  Richard ran back inside with the loot. He headed towards his favourite place. The loft. A large, warm space in the roof of the house. He climbed up the ladder and disappeared through a manhole.

  3

  ‘Geeze, I don’t know,’ said Dad. ‘All these blasted toilet rolls. We have to put a stop to it. It’s just making him worse. We’re the laughing stock of the neighbourhood. Harry James asked me if we’re going to build a public toilet in the front yard. I’ll bet the factory doesn’t know their drivers are throwing away rolls and rolls every day. It’s been going on for years.’

  ‘Have you looked at his face?’ said Mum. ‘It’s the only time Richard ever smiles. When those toilet rolls come bouncing over the fence he’s happy. You can’t stop that.’

  ‘It’s a fire risk,’ said Dad. ‘All that paper up inside the roof. The whole place could go up in smoke.’

  ‘Think of it as free insulation,’ said Mum.

  ‘Have you been up there lately? Go and have a look. And don’t let him see you or you’ll cop the usual.’

  Mum silently climbed the ladder and peered in the loft. Her eyes widened. A huge castle made of toilet rolls filled the entire space. It was so much bigger than before. Turrets and walls and a tall, arched entrance. Paper stairs made their way to the top of the ramparts. Dolls and teddy bears were propped up like archers peering down at the enemy. The whole loft was crammed with thousands and thousands of toilet rolls.

  ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh.’ Richard’s face appeared over the battlements. He began to fire on the intruder. A shower of bouncing toilet rolls peppered Mum. She quickly ducked down and closed the loft hatch above her.

  ‘Right,’ yelled Dad. ‘That’s it. I’m not putting up with this nonsense for one more second.’ He climbed quickly up the ladder and opened the hatch. ‘Richard, get down from there. I’m putting a stop to this. Tomorrow I’m going to the factory to stop those drivers throwing out toilet rolls. And all of this is going. Every last one. It’s ridiculous. Now come down here at once.’

  ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh.’ Toilet rolls fell around Dad like mortar shells. He shook his fist at Richard as the angry boy lobbed the rolls over the castle walls. Dad ducked and hit his head on the side of the hatch. Then he fell, screaming and grabbing at the rungs of the ladder. He crashed heavily to the floor.

  ‘Damn and blast,’ he yelled.

  Mum tried to smother a smile. ‘Are you okay, dear?’ she asked.

  ‘No I’m not. It’s not funny. I mean it. Every last bit of paper is going out of that loft.’

  Another hailstorm of toilet rolls bounced down on top of him and the hatch banged shut.

  4
r />   In his room nearby, Tim lay on his bed and listened to the commotion. He shook his head. He knew what the toilet roll castle meant to Richard. Terrible things would happen if he lost the toilet rolls. He had been collecting them for years. Building with them. Wrapping things up. His loft was a refuge. A place to go. A warm world of his own. Angry red clouds rolled in Tim’s head. Why couldn’t Richard talk? Why did he always have to live in a lonely world of his own?

  Tim looked at his crutches propped against the bed. Life wasn’t fair. He closed his eyes. And thought of snow.

  Gentle, falling snow. Drifting down. Cleaning the world with its whiteness. Covering the streets and the cars. Happy children threw snowballs and laughed.

  And there he was. The best bit of all. The snowman. Dancing, dancing. Lifting his black hat with a snowy arm. Winking with his coal-black eyes. Beckoning Tim. Calling him. ‘Oh, look at that snowman dance,’ said Tim. A wonderful peace filled his mind. He lay back on his pillow and for a while the pain in his chest melted away.

  ‘I’d love to see snow,’ he said to himself. ‘If I could see snow. Just once. I’d be happy for ever.’

  Tim opened his eyes and the vision vanished. Outside the window the summer sun cooked the brown grass.

  ‘Oh no,’ said Tim.

  A figure was loping across the lawn, dragging a large garbage bag behind him. ‘Aargh, aargh, aargh,’ said Richard.

  Tim could see that Richard was angry. He knew that his brother was running away from home. Taking his most precious possessions with him.

  ‘Come back, Richard,’ yelled Tim. But he was too late. Richard had already disappeared along the footpath. Tim struggled out of bed and searched frantically for his shoes. Where were they? Under the bed. He grabbed a crutch and hooked them out. He quickly put on the shoes and limped outside. ‘Richard, Richard,’ he yelled. His voice echoed along the empty street. Richard was nowhere to be seen.

  Tim set off along the road. His crutches rubbed under his arm and with every step the pain in his chest grew worse. He knew that he was supposed to take it easy. Not strain himself. ‘Richard,’ he called. ‘Richard.’